You read that right, I wish I wasn’t a special needs mom.

I’ve seen a million blog posts from special needs parents all stating that they wouldn’t change their special needs children. That’s not me.

Now, I love my little girl for exactly who she is, don’t get me wrong. She is absolutely incredible, there are no words to describe her aura. She brings so much joy and wonder to my life. She has taught me patience unlike anything I have ever experienced. She is literally 1 in 50,000,000. She is beautiful. I love her so hard it hurts.

But.

If I could change things and have Westynn be typically developing then I would.

IN. A. HEARTBEAT.

Hear me out for a minute. Imagine not being able to make your body move correctly like everyone else does. Imagine not being able to feed yourself. Imagine not being able to say even one word to communicate your needs and wants with anybody. Living with this mastermind brain and having to work so hard to get people to see the things you understand. Why would I wish that upon any child, let alone my own little girl? So yes, I wish Westynn could have been born typical so I wouldn’t have to watch her struggle. What parent enjoys seeing their baby wrestle through life? Is that selfish of me?

I know my God stitched her together exactly as He meant to. I fully trust His process and am thankful for everything Westynn brings. But if God gave me the option, I would choose the typical life for my baby, and I will not apologize for that.

Love,

the special needs mom black sheep, Shaylee