Do you have a friend going through a divorce? How about infertility? New mamas? Special Needs Parents? Someone who has lost a close family member or friend?

Reach out to them. Don’t ask if they need help. Just help. Drop off dinner, and like actually drop it off. Don’t stay for the next 3 hours. My moms best friend Kim is the best at this one! (Some people with quality time as their love language would probably like it if you stayed… PSA quality time is NOT my love language) Tell them you are free and able to watch their kids for a couple of hours. Send random cards or things in the mail showing you haven’t forgotten them. Pre-pay for a house cleaner to come at their convenience. Book them a massage (but make sure you also offer to watch their kids during that time if they have any!) Compliment them. Any gesture big or small, just don’t let them slip through the cracks.

Sometimes it looks like we are doing fine. We will almost ALWAYS even say we are doing fine. We’ve learned to be strong and self sufficient and “handle it all”. We are surviving… but that’s about it.

Surviving. Not thriving.

It’s hard for proud people to ask for help. I am one of those people. I like when people tell me “you’re so strong” or “I don’t know how you do it”. I like it because it sets up the perfect platform for me to explain that Jesus is my strength and the reason I hold it all together. But mostly because it makes me feel less weak. I do not want people to see me as weak or as a failure. Even the people closest to me don’t get to see this part of me aside from Michael. My number one reason for not asking for help is because I can’t stand the thought of burdening others with my own personal problems. I’m a grown woman! I chose to have these babies no matter what and I should be able to care for them as needed, no matter what complications arise, I shouldn’t need or expect a “break” from them. It’s nobody’s fault that my parents both died, so why would I burden anyone by asking for help while I complete the end of life details like paying all the extra bills, finding accounts and closing them, funeral details, selling a house, bringing my adult brother into my home. I’m an adult I should be able to deep clean my house and cook every meal and do all the finances and run a business and go to all the million appointments and do all of the paperwork. OH, and while we are at it, make sure to workout and be healthy and put myself together daily. (I haven’t shaved my legs in months, sorry Michael, actually I haven’t even brushed my teeth in two days come to think of it)

But guys, guess what I did today…

I asked for help. We finally cleared everything out of my parents house this morning and I could feel the darkness and grief creeping in. I was standing on a very unstable emotional ledge… so I pushed through my pride, and pushed through feeling like a burden, and I reached out and asked my always-been-there, long time faithful friend Emily if she could come hang with my girls, for no apparent reason other than so I could maybe take a nap. Maybe lock myself in my room and get some work done. Maybe have a quiet dinner out with my husband. Maybe just sit on the shower floor until the water gets cold (which honestly, is where I sit typing this).

Moral of the story. Reach out to your hurting friends. And your non-hurting friends! Just reach out. Show love and compassion without expecting anything in return. Because I tell you what, we don’t have much energy to give back sometimes.

Also know this… IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

PS: I finally brushed my teeth.